My Little Summon: Friendship is Better Than the Alternative
by CarefulCrown
Summary: He really would've liked a summoning contract with Autobots. But young Naruto, though a bit slow, was no ingrate. He owed Rainbow Dash his life and was happy to have her as his friend. But none of the guys could know. Ever. This is the story of a young boy, his rainbow colored pony friend, and their (mis)adventures.
1. A boy and his pony

Disclaimer: I own very little. I do not own the characters or the settings. I do own a batch of Mojito, a bottle of pills, this computer, and a car that semi-actively tries to kill me on a somewhat-regular basis. One of those things had no part in the making of this story. Sleep deprivation, heavy lifting, and mojitos don't make you Thad Castle.

Note: I didn't feel like stopping. And I had liquor. So I decided that I really wanted to come back to writing this. But I didn't feel like having another chapter of pure crack. I wanted to flesh it out into a short story of its own. As of starting it, the outline calls for 15-17 chapters and probably an epilogue. I really can't see it getting much longer than 70k words in total.

It should be needless to say, but Sasuke won't be nearly the buttmonkey he was in the Oneshot. Don't mistake me making Sasuke the buttmonkey there as bashing.

Rant time: I can't fucking stand bashing. People can't accept that characters aren't perfect with twenty-twenty foresight. People need the main character to have a more tragic past than they do, with no blame on the characters themselves.

Key Examples:

Mob beatings/Assassinations: What I don't even-? Naruto's problem was being ignored. Assassinations were Gaara's thing. Don't take that away from him.

The instructors intentionally sabotaged Naruto at the academy: Mizuki was an asshat. More specifically he was a villain. And even then no one knew what the dude was up to until it was almost too late. It takes more work to sabotage than is reasonable. Naruto claims he failed the graduation exam three times, but is the same age as everyone else and didn't seem to know team Guy. Either he tried and failed to graduate early, got three tries at the one we saw him try once, or there's some other bit of info we don't know, like an exam each year that he failed yet continued on anyway, in which case he's a victim of some weird ninja no child left behind. He really was behind the curve during part one.

Kakashi sucks as a teacher: This one's not necessarily wrong. But in his defense, he likely thought he had plenty of time. You normally don't hop in the tank your first day at basic. He steps up and finally becomes a teacher when Sasuke's life is in clear danger. Was it the right choice? Hindsight is twenty-twenty. He left Naruto with a master of the basics, and from a theoretical point of view, that might have been better than him. Kakashi isn't a power freak like Naruto or Jiraiya. All of his upper level stuff is either control oriented or relies on Obito's pinkeye. In part two, when Naruto knows a bit more we see him direct Naruto in the right direction and let him figure it out himself, which is good for development.

Teammate Bashing: They're twelve. Kids suck. They're little Hitlers, the lot of them.

Read it, Review it. Tell me what you liked, tell me what you didn't. Flame it if it's shit, just tell me why it's shit.

* * *

"Wow mister, that's so cool!" a young Naruto said to a chuunin he had just seen summon a pigeon. Young Naruto was a good child. He brushed and flossed three times a day and always made sure to respect his elders. He never cussed and he always did his homework before going out to play. To Naruto, though, playing wasn't hide and seek, but rather watching older shinobi practice in the training fields. He knew that he wasn't supposed to be there, but that was one rule that he found that he just could not abide by. Ever since joining the academy, Naruto had had a penchant for learning all that he could, so that he could one day be an amazing Hokage, just like the old man and the Fourth.

Also, he couldn't afford any of the transforming robot toys, so there was also that preventing him from playing like other boys his age.

"Can you summon other animals? Like, useful ones?" Let it never be said that a young Naruto was not a needlessly offensive Naruto. Now, the man he was inadvertently offending had never been a terribly sympathetic person, least of all to the young demon container. Perhaps he was having a bad day, but he couldn't help but think that it would be reasonable to take his frustration out on the young blonde.

The silver haired young man had just made chuunin and received that contract as a gift. He wasn't entirely proud of the winged rats, but he had been willing to accept them. It wasn't every day that you were offered a summon contract, after all, and most of the legendary ninja had had summons. However, after being made fun of by a small child that day, Mizuki would never again summon a pigeon, much to his mentor's dismay. This would lead to a distrust between the two that may or may not have pushed Mizuki to a brief life of villainy. It remains unknown to this day why he would let himself be pushed over the edge by such a young child in this way. Regardless of all of this, the fact remained that he decided to take his frustrations out on the young demon container.

Suddenly the chuunin had an idea. He could get rid of the kid and no one would be any the wiser. He wouldn't even be the one getting rid of the kid; the kid would be getting rid of himself.

"How would you like to learn how to summon, Naruto?" the chuunin asked. The kid was old enough that the academy would have taught him how to access his chakra, but not much else. Luckily that was pretty much all that the summoning technique required. The level of control would help in not being wasteful, but if the kid attempted a summoning without a contract, the technique would just take all it needed and send him to some summon's realm, where he would likely die. Even if he didn't, his chances of returning were not favorable, to say the least.

"Would I ever, mister!" oh such an innocent child. Mizuki showed him the necessary hand seals and got him to work learning the basics of how to mold the chakra for the technique. On his sixth try, he finally got the technique right. By right, of course, it meant that he summoned himself right out of his own realm and into that of a summon animal species.

***Unknown Location, Somewhere in the sky***

This. Was. Awesome!

Never before had Rainbow Dash gone so fast. After that sonic rainboom, there was no way that she could have possibly lost that race. Unless of course she had technically missed the finish line. She was pretty sure she had flown through the flag, but it was entirely possible she had been seeing black and white spots, given the _obscene_ speed at which she was flying. She wasn't even sure if flying through the flag counted. Wasn't she supposed to fly under the flag? She had no worry, however, that she'd defended Fluttershy's honor. Maybe when she was done flying _super fast_ she would check up on the quieter Pegasus filly. That filly really needed to get flying down. One of these days she was going to fall to her death if she wasn't careful.

Speaking of falling to an untimely demise...

That thought was dashed rather quickly by the sight of something falling from the sky. Something loud.

***Naruto***

"OH FUCK ME!" Naruto screamed, falling from a height he had never even imagined reaching. This was, of course, the moment that Naruto lost his childlike innocent vocabulary, "FUCK ME IN THE KEYHOLE!" He was falling faster and faster, picking up speed at a steadily decreasing pace as wind resistance increased and he approached terminal velocity. This was it. This was how he was going to die: falling to his death above a strange land. "Just like that old gypsy woman said!"

At least he thought he'd figured out the concept of terminal velocity at an early age.

All of the sudden he felt his acceleration stop and wondered if he'd actually reached terminal velocity. A quick look beneath him disproved this as he found himself on top of something blue. Quickly, his descent arced back upward before leveling out continuing forwards, which was certainly better than plummeting to his death. He was then able to make out that he was on some sort of animal. It seemed awfully horse-like, but had a pair of wings, a blue body, and a rainbow mane and tale. He held on for his dear life until finally whatever he was riding made a decent and landed on sweet, sweet ground. Ground which Naruto quickly dismounted to start kissing.

"Haha, don't eat all the grass there," turning around to come face to face with his savior, he was surprised to find it an oddly colored Pegasus, similar to one he had seen in a picture book earlier in his childhood. It was mostly blue, with a rainbow colored tail and mane and an image of a rainbow colored lightning bolt on its flank.

Finishing kissing the ground, Naruto spoke "Thank you so much for saving me!" he jumped up and hugged the majestic creature that had saved him. The Pegasus could have been a damn pigeon and it would have been majestic after what he had just been through. He swore to himself that he would never make Mizuki's life difficult ever again. Or to make it insanely difficult. He hadn't decided yet.

"Wait a second! You can talk?!"

"Well duh! Of course I can talk, silly. Why wouldn't I be able to talk? That's just dumb. I'm not a baby, I even just got my cutie mark! Look!" the Pegasus, Rainbow Dash, said, showing off its lightning bolt flank, "I'm Rainbow Dash, and I'm the best flier in all of Equestria!"

"What's Equestria?"

***In Konoha***

"Uh, Kakashi-san? I think you can stop Raikiri-tasing the chuunin now. There are probably more important things that we should be doing."

"You're right. As your senior officer I order you to inform Hokage-sama of what's happened to Naruto. I'll handle the prisoner."

"You're just going to keep tasing him, aren't you?"

"I'll stop when someone with the authority to tell me to stop tells me to stop," Kakashi said, touching his Raikiri coated hand to Mizuki's forehead once more.

***Naruto***

"So Equestria is the realm of the Pony summons? Well, that explains why I've never heard of this place. I thought maybe it was just because I'm not very good with geography… Or math… history isn't really my thing either. I'm good at fighting though! And I can run really far!"

"And I can fly really far! My name is Rainbow Dash! So who and what are you and how did you end up in the sky? It's not really a place for anyone without wings, you know?" Rainbow Dash said excitedly, laughing a bit at the end of her statement.

After introducing himself and explaining the circumstances behind his arrival, Naruto learned that Equestria was the realm of the Pony summons. Rainbow Dash had only heard of humans in school, since there had apparently not been a human to summon the Pony clan since the days of the Warring Clans Era. During that time, there had been a clan, one with an odd bloodline that only allowed the production of female heirs, who had possessed the summoning contract for the Ponies. This made sense to Naruto, since, obviously, Ponies were for little girls, though he would make at least one special exception for the Pegasus that had saved his bacon moments earlier. It was at this point that Rainbow Dash was struck by inspiration.

"Oh oh! I know! I could give you a contract to summon me! That way, I'll be famous as the first pony to make a contract with a human in generations and you can be the first human to make a contract with a Pony in generations," well, he owed her big time, so it looked like Naruto would be the guy with a pony summon if she wanted it that way. He didn't think he'd ever fully live this one down, but she had saved his life and seemed to want to be his friend, and Naruto would never turn a friend down, "Of course, I can only give you a personal contract, since I'm not the boss pony, but I'm the best there is anyway, so don't fret it Naruto!"

***Royal Garden***

Somewhere in Canterlot, a white god-pony had just gotten done turning a young unicorn filly's parents back from being plants and congratulated the filly when she felt the need to sneeze. Someone was talking about her. If it persisted she would have to find out who it was. If it was a gossip, she might just have to seal them in the moon for a thousand years.

***Naruto and Rainbow Dash***

"Well, okay Rainbow Dash. If that's what you want."

And that was how Naruto became the first pony summoner since the dawn of the hidden village system. Joy.

Why couldn't he have just gotten transforming robots like the other guys?

Rainbow Dash had been looking to ditch Cloudsdale as it was, and this was the perfect excuse. Couldn't have her new buddy plummeting to his death every time he visited. Figuring that he could get home, would he even be able to visit at all? Rainbow Dash would have to learn the summoning technique, but had no idea how she would be able to learn it. Maybe she would write a letter to Princess Celestia...

***Canterlot***

"_Hmm, perhaps twelve years moon. Seven years no trial,_" Celestia thought, "_One small step for pony, one giant leap for this headcold._"

***Naruto and Rainbow Dash***

In the meantime, she was in need of new housing. Telling Naruto to hold tight for a moment, she jetted up into the air and scouted the area. It seemed that the nearest town was just a mile or two away. Swooping down and allowing Naruto to hop on, she made her way to the town she would come to call her home for years to come.

A town known only as Ponyville.

***With the Hokage***

"So you're telling me that Naruto used the summoning jutsu without a contract?" The old man asked the ANBU op who knelt before him.

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"And that you saw it happen?" he continued.

"Well, Kakashi-san was watching him."

"And where were you?"

"Getting my fortune told, sir," the black-ops officer admitted, holding his head down, "honestly, sir, I'm surprised that you're not more upset about all of this. How are you so calm?"

The older man took a deep puff of his pipe before considering his words carefully and responding.

"There's a diagnostic jutsu embedded in the seal on his stomach," the older man said, "According to it, his pulse and blood pressure are normal right now, as they have been all except for a two minute time frame a short while ago which I can only assume corresponds to the summoning."

"So you're keeping tabs on him? _All the time_?"

"I wish someone would keep tabs on me," the Hokage deflected, taking another puff of his pipe, "One of these days, I'm going to fall over and I won't be able to get back up. Besides, only Jiraiya and myself can use it. It helps him know that the kid is safe. It's not pleasant, but we need Jiraiya out there, collecting information, and he wasn't about to leave if he wasn't sure that Naruto was safe. Come along then, we're going to need to summon him back here."

"Can you just do that?"

"Summoning seals embedded in his seal."

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" the ANBU requested.

"Granted."

"That's messed up, man."

***With Naruto and Rainbow Dash***

"So you're pretty much running away from home, Rainbow Dash?" Naruto asked the blue pony.

"Yeah, I'm so done with Pegasus school. I can push clouds around just fine, thank you very much. I'm sure some sort of job will pop up that will get me by while I train for the wonderbolts." Rainbow dash told the boy, "This building looks official, let's go in there."

The two walked into the building, passing by a gray pegasus about Rainbow Dash's age sitting on the front step seemingly looking in two different directions at once, neither of them straight forward. The building itself was fairly nice, though the receptionist wasn't entirely helpful. She seemed more occupied by a sort of frantic environment that was consuming the office building. Ponies were rushing all over the place, searching through filing cabinets and reading through documents. Finally after being all but ignored for several minutes, Rainbow Dash had had it.

"What's going on here!?" She demanded to know. Finally one of the frantic ponies took notice of her.

"The school pageant is tomorrow and we can't get a hold of the weather controller pegasus that was scheduled for tomorrow. He was supposed to be on today as well, but as you can see..." she trailed off, gesturing out the window to the cloudy sky above Ponyville, "He's kind of out of a job if he doesn't have a good excuse for this."

"Oh please,"Rainbow Dash said, waving her hoof dismissively, "I could _totally_ handle that. Piece of cake."

"You want a job?" the mare asked the pegasus, receiving a shrug and a nod from Rainbow. Naruto couldn't believe how convenient this was turning out to be, assuming of course that Dash actually could control weather. Shouldn't that be somewhat difficult? "Tell you what," the mare continued, "I'm the mayor of Ponyville. Prove you can handle the weather today and I'll have you on as a junior weather controller tomorrow."

Turning back, the mayor noticed that Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be seen. Turning to Naruto with a quirked eyebrow, she tilted her head to the side.

"And what exactly are you? Where did your friend go?"

"I'm a human. Rainbow says you guys haven't seen one of us in a while. She also said she'd be right-" at this point he was cut off by Rainbow Dash flying back into the room so fast he would swear that he could see a rainbow trail behind her.

"Done," she said, calmly gesturing toward the clear skies outside of the window.

"Back," Naruto finished.

The mayor was silent for all of eleven seconds before hiring Rainbow Dash and allotting her an extra stipend for room and board.

And that was when Naruto felt a tug at his navel and all briefly went dark.

***With the Hokage***

Naruto looked around, trying to regain his bearings and figure out where he was. That was quickly answered by a glance behind him, where the Old Man stood, sternly looking at him.

"Heh heh," Naruto nervously laughed, scratching the back of his head, "What up, Old Man?"

***Back with Rainbow Dash***

"Well, that was... different," the mayor said, "Do you have any idea where he went?"

Indeed Naruto had seemingly disappeared with no warning in a puff of smoke, like some sort of bright orange ninja. Glancing at the rainbow colored pegasus in front of her, she supposed that she really should just count her blessings that at least her new weather controller's friend had decided on only one color, obtrusive though it was. Not that she would tell young Applejack that. Come to think of it, she couldn't help but wonder how the young filly was doing in the big city.

It was at this moment that she saw young Applejack walk by the window, so clearly not very well. Well that was to be expected. It was only a matter of time before she came back to work the farm. They always did.

"I guess he went home," Rainbow Dash said, "I wonder when I'll see him again. I guess I kinda need to learn how to reverse-summon him if I'm going to have a contract with him, won't I?"

And then it all clicked with the mayor. Human, summon, reverse-summon? The boy wasn't "like a ninja". The boy _was_ a ninja, and Rainbow Dash had a contract with him. To her knowledge that was the only contract that any pony in Equestria had with a human, and it was right here in her town!

"How would you like a contract extension?"

And she'd keep her here for as long as possible.

***Naruto and Sarutobi***

"So, Naruto-kun," the Hokage said to the young blond, "where were you this afternoon?"

"Oh, you know," Naruto replied, scratching the back of his head, "just lounging around my apartment. How did I get here anyway?"

"Oh, just this little thing called the summoning technique, kuchiyose no jutsu. Have you ever heard of that technique, Naruto?" Sarutobi asked, giving the boy a stern look.

"Wait, you can just summon anyone? That's crazy!" Naruto was shocked by the implications of that. He could have Ayame-neechan make him ramen all then time...

"No," said Sarutobi, "just you. And monkeys."

"I feel like there was an insult somewhere in there, old man"

"I'll explain it to you when you tell me where you were."

***In a brothel somewhere***

"_Oh good, the kid's back,_" Jiraiya thought, "_Had me worried there for a bit. Much longer and I would have drawn up an array and summoned him back here._" Then he looked around him at his scantily clad company, "_Well, maybe not here here._"

Unlike the access that Jiraiya had given Sarutobi to the diagnostic seal, Jiraiya had full access. He knew exactly where the boy had went when his spiking heart rate. A quick consultation with the toads, which the girls hadn't really been happy when he'd summoned, revealed that, one way or another, the boy had been teleported to the realm of ponies. The boy was too young to summon, so someone probably sent him there as a prank. He'd be sure to make sure the kid got to sign the toad contract when he was old enough.

Jiraiya rapidly forgot about the entire ordeal. The boy wasn't harmed, and in the end, all that was likely to have come out of it was a funny story that he'd be able to tell years from now when he got over how girly a land of ponies must have been.

***Naruto and Sarutobi***

"You signed a contract with a pony, Naruto?" The Hokage said between guffaws. This was rich. Poor Naruto. If this got out he would be forever associated with ponies and, if the description of the pony was any indication, Rainbows. Shame really, as Sarutobi could certainly see the usefulness of being able to summon a winged horse. All said and done, everything certainly could have gone worse. Naruto could have been a splatter on the ground in an alternate dimension, which certainly would have put a damper on his week.

"If you tell anyone, old man, _anyone_, I _will_ piss on your grave."

Oh dear, whatever had happened? Naruto had been such a pleasant, innocent child just earlier that day.

***You don't honestly think I've forgotten about Sasuke, do you?***

Fugaku couldn't figure out what to do. His son just wouldn't play with the transforming robot toys that he bought for him. Rather, young Sasuke wanted nothing to do with the toys. When he asked him why, his son told him that he wanted pony toys, but Fugaku just couldn't understand it. Why would a boy want to play with ponies? Ponies were for little girls!

He could understand Sasuke being a bit of a "momma's boy". Mikoto was a very loving woman and was incredibly likable in addition to how caring she was. It was why he'd married her in the first place. But even she couldn't figure out Sasuke. She tried her best to encourage him into more "normal" hobbies. She'd bought him the entire set of those damn transforming robots that all the other boys loved so much. Of course, as she was retired and he wasn't, "she'd bought" roughly translated to "she'd allocated Fugaku's funds for buying", but it was the thought that counted.

These were the unfortunate thoughts that were running through his head as he was impaled by an ANBU-issue blade.

As what had just happened clicked and he made to deliver his final, dying words to the son that he _hadn't _thought was abnormal (just quiet, really), he took detached note of how pervasive shock was. He wasn't feeling a thing, just some difficulty breathing. Given the circumstances, that was pretty understandable.

"Just-" cough, sputter, "just like that old gypsy woman said..." he said, falling to the ground.

This was the sight that Sasuke returned home to that night. The sight of his older brother hovering over the dying bodies of his mother and father.

"_Sasuke,"_ Fugaku thought, fading in and out of consciousness, "_I wish you didn't have to see me like this..."_

"Mom!" Sasuke yelled, running over to his mother, kicking his soon-to-be-late father in the process.

"_Oh, you son of a-"_ Fugaku thought.

"Sasuke..." Mikoto said weakly to her son, "never forget..."

"Yes mom?" Sasuke asked, clinging to each word out of his mother's mouth.

"Grand..."

"Grand what, mom?"

"Grandchildren. You still owe me grandchildren... So if you decide you don't like girls..." Mikoto paused to take a drawn out breath.

"Girls are icky, mom"

"Just... Just let me finish... If you decide you don't like girls, just wait until after you're married... and have children... like your father..."

"_Oh wow. cold-blooded, much?_" Fugaku thought, knowing full well that what his lawfully wedded wife had just implied to their son was untrue. He wasn't gay, not that there was anything wrong with that. He just wanted them to remember him correctly after his death. And for the boy to stop with the damn ponies.

He couldn't help but remark how clearly he was thinking given the amount of his blood that he could see on the floor and staining his clothing.

What followed this touching moment was a scene where a young, academy attending Sasuke bum-rushed his older brother, who seemed to have entered the room during Mikoto's dying words. Needless to say, Sasuke was put down rather quickly. What happened next surprised Fugaku rather significantly.

All of the sudden, all of the damage vanished as Fugaku felt the release of a genjutsu. Looking around, Mikoto was okay and Itachi was standing there looking apologetic. Sasuke was still a convulsing mess on the ground.

"So," Itachi started awkwardly, "Danzo plans to have you all killed. That's what I'm supposed to be doing here tonight: killing all of you except for Sasuke."

"And how do you plan to get away with shirking your duty? I know I taught you better than that," Fugaku said sternly to his son, seemingly ungrateful about the whole "being alive" thing.

"Hokage-sama supplied me with more than enough fake corpses," Itachi replied, keeping quiet about the fact that 'more than enough' was three and that the entire rest of the clan was indeed dead, "I feel bad for Sasuke, but he's going to have to think I killed you until further notice." Itachi cared deeply for his younger brother, and felt absolutely terrible for what he had had to put the boy through to maintain this ruse. On the other hand, it certainly was better than the alternative. With this, their parents would be alive, though the rest of the world may think them dead, sort of like some ninja witness protection program.

As Itachi ushered them to the door, Fugaku turned to his wife with a deadpan look.

"Wait until after you're married and have kids?" he said.

"I told you that I'd have the last laugh if you never gave me a daughter," his wife responded, letting her husband know that she was dead serious about something he had long since dismissed as a joke.

"_Women are scary,_" Fugaku thought.

***The Inuzuka Household***

"Hey Hana?" young Kiba said, knocking on his older sister's door. Kiba respected his big sister and often turned to her for advice or when he had questions about ninja life or just life in general. He was not yet old enough to truly be picked on as the runt of the litter and was often not bothered by the long stretches of time that his sister hogged the bathroom. As long as he didn't wet the rug, all was fine.

The one time that had happened, his mother had hit him with a rolled up newspaper and called him a "bad boy", not an experience that he wanted to repeat.

"Yeah, kiddo?" his sister responded. Hana was known by all of the other ninja her age for being somewhat... over aggressive, but she did enjoy speaking with her younger brother. The kid was so innocent. Not at all the wild dog he would be in a few years when he'd gone through more of the clan's training like she had.

"Hey, you're not that much older than me, you know."

"Yes I am, kiddo. Now, hay is for horses. What's up?"

"Well you see, that's just the thing. I was going to ask you: why would someone smell like a bunch of horses and a fox? I walked by one of the guys from the academy earlier and he _reeked _of that smell," Kiba told Hana.

"Did he also smell like dogs?" Hana asked after a moment.

"I always smell dogs. Can't get it out of my nose. Mom says it'll get better."

"Well, Kiba, it sounds like one of your friends has taken up hunting foxes for sport. A whole lot of people will tell you that that's wrong or unethical, but as a future head of a clan of tracking specialists, I say that that's awesome."

She truly thought it was. The thought of using that many animals to hunt for one just screamed decadence to her baser instincts. Her opinion, of course, may or may not have been valid on the topic as she also thought that slaughterhouses smelled like dinner.

And that was how young Inuzuka Kiba was given a slanted view of an ethically questionable sport at a young age by his older sister, who was essentially raised half animal in the first place. This conversation would change young Kiba's life and leave lasting impacts for years to come.

***In Canterlot***

It had certainly been some time since Celestia had received a letter. It was strange, really, you'd think that more ponies would have inane requests for her, but after one or two possibly off color jokes about sealing ponies in the moon, requests just seemed to stop. Opening it, she began to read.

_Dear Princess Celestia,_

_Do ponies still write letters like this? I've never done it so I don't really know. The pony next to me is telling me that you're not supposed to write the way you'd talk to somebody, but that just sounds stupid. Why would I talk to you different in a letter than in person. Anyway, I was curious if you would be willing to teach me that old summoning technique. I promise I have a good reason. Please get back to me at your earliest convenience._

_-Rainbow Dash, Junior Weather Controller, Ponyville_

Ah, another young pegasus wanting to learn how to summon so she could try and form a contract with thunderclouds. It wouldn't work, of course, but at the very least she could teach one of her young students and send her out on a mission to teach the pegasus. It would be a good learning experience.

That's right, a learning experience. She did so enjoy sending the students on "learning experiences".

***Author's Note***

So there I was, thinking: you know what would be fun to write? More of that crossover crack. And subplots. Leaving Sasuke's parents alive was actually part of a scrapped idea that didn't make the final cut where they straight up abandoned him, but that subplot kind of sucked, so I got rid of it while leaving them alive out there, because why not? I write these notes as I first write the chapters, so by the time you're reading this it's entirely possible that I've thought up a few scenes for them. This story will only cover part one, so no Naruto trying to hook up with Sasuke's mom. No hookups at all. They're little kids, damn it.

Few things weird me out more than authors having eleven and twelve-year-olds hook up. And time travel romance.

Drop a review to tell me what you thought.


	2. There are other characters too

Disclaimer: Naruto and My Little Pony are the respective properties of Masashi Kishimoto and Hasbro.

So who all's watched Kill La Kill?

I apologize in advance. I always knew this chapter was going to be the hardest for me to write. I've redone it entirely 4 times now and am still not quite happy with it. This one is going to be a bit dry on humor. I will try to keep it lighthearted, but this is more of a transition chapter just to show some things that need to be seen and get a small bit of action in. I don't want to timeskip all the way to genin and suddenly Naruto's spent years in a different growing situation and the only thing you get out of it is two lines out of a paragraph before going into plot territory that is entirely familiar. I think that there's something to be said for original content and its importance in a story. This isn't just "How would all of the same events happen if Naruto had a pretty little pony". I want characters to develop and I want to watch them do it and then show it to you in the way I've seen it play out as my hands type. If a character does something shitty, I want you to be able to, at least, understand why they've done that shitty thing. I won't always spell it out, but I want it to be there somewhere for you to find, and I want to be able to explain it to you if asked.

Tl;dr: This chapter exists to introduce subplots and connect the intro to the heart of the story. As such the focus is not as in depth and there isn't as much humor as I'd like.

I think that's all for that little rant. On to the story.

**WARNING: UNBETA'D**

***Begin Chapter 2***

"Look Naruto, I'm not really much of an egghead, but I'm pretty sure that when your teacher reads this he's going to want to smash his head against the desk," Dash told her young blonde human friend. The boy was ten years old and had been assigned an essay on the three principle ninja techniques and their uses. She didn't know much about human aging, but she was pretty sure that ten was a bit young to be writing essays. She was sure that they didn't expect all that much out of the essays, but Naruto's was… well… special.

"And that's… bad, right?" To his credit, Naruto was better than he'd been when they had begun to hang out years back. At that time, he'd have probably declared his essay some sort of instant death jutsu and handed it in as it was. Now he would rewrite it and hopefully learn something from it.

The two of them were in Naruto's apartment. Naruto was sitting at his table and his Pegasus companion stood at the other side of the table. He had had to move out of his old apartment soon after he began summoning Rainbow Dash. It seemed that his neighbors below him hadn't liked the sound of hooves pounding the floor. For that matter, nor had the cheap wood floors. His new place was closer to the academy and slightly larger than the old one. The old man had told him that it had been left vacant after failing to be sold at what he had called a "police auction", whatever that had meant. The apartment, along with several other corresponding units, was repurposed from a horse-stable that had been around when Konoha was first built.

"Look, Naruto, just read it out loud to yourself. I've gotta dash," she told her friend and summoner, "Princess Celestia said that she'd be sending one of her students this afternoon to teach me how to summon you back to Equestria. Once I learn that I can show you my new house!"

"Sweet, Rainbow Dash! Wait…" here Naruto paused, "it's not in the clouds is it? I really don't feel like falling out of the sky again…"

"Haha, nope," she said, laughing, "You'll love it. You'll see. Later!" she declared, cancelling the summon and dispelling herself. Sighing, Naruto picked up his essay and began reading aloud.

"The henge is useful, because it lets you be a dick with someone else's face… yadda yadda yadda… blah blah blah… wow I really don't know how punctuation works, do I?" he asked himself and began scribbling corrections all over the page.

The final product would still have Iruka inflict self-harm, just not to suicidal degrees.

***Ponyville***

*Knock knock knock*

Rainbow Dash bolted for the door. That had to be Celestia's student! Rainbow Dash was amazed, she had quite literally just made it in time. Glancing at the clock she saw that the time was just a minute after noon. Afternoon indeed. Don't ponies know how to be fifteen minutes late for appointments? Oh well, she'd been waiting for years to learn the summoning technique, so she'd overlook missing her nap just this once. Opening her door she found herself face to face with a purple pony.

"Hi. I'm Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia sent me here. You wouldn't happen to be Rainbow Dash, would you?"

***Konoha, Academy* **

"Come on, Naruto," Kiba pleaded, "Just once, that's all I'm asking. Take me fox hunting just once." Kiba had been asking him this for years and he couldn't figure out why for the life of him. He didn't dislike Kiba, and his older sister was always nice to him, but he didn't even know how fox hunting worked, nor did he have the money to spare that he was sure he'd need to do it.

"Ew," Ino said in disgust, "fox hunting is so wrong. I still can't believe that you do that, disgusting Naruto."

"Yeah, really," Sakura chimed in, "Why don't you just go die in a hole somewhere."

"For the last time: I've never been fox hunting," he told them, a pleading look in his eyes. After saying this Kiba threw his arm around his shoulder and said quietly into his ear.

"That's what we'll let them think, but your secret is safe with me, bud."

"Attention class," Iruka said, striding into the room, "you have less than a year before your graduation exam. Please hand in your essays and move to the training ground, single file. This morning we will be working on sparring."

Out on the grounds, the students began to pair up in twos. Kiba tried to get Naruto to partner with him, but he was able to avoid it by pairing with Uchiha Sasuke, an act that set most of the girls against him once again. It seemed like he just couldn't win. This fact became compounded when Iruka gave his description of the day's rules.

"Alright, kids. Today we'll be working in pairs and having two on two matches. Whoever you're partnered with now is your partner for the rest of the morning. No complaints will be accepted."

"Great," Naruto thought, "Now the girls are really gonna hate me." Surely enough he could feel dozens of glares metaphorically cutting into his back.

"Just don't get in my way, dumbass," Sasuke said, glaring at him, though not with any more intensity than he glared at everything else. Sasuke was the number one student in the class, and though Naruto was not the brightest bulb, even Sasuke acknowledged that Naruto was not terrible at fighting. Dozens of spars over the years had taught him that. Sasuke's record against the blonde was steeped in his favor, but Naruto probably had one of the best records against him of all the students in the class. Of course, he was sure that the clan children had some tricks hidden up their sleeves, but jutsu were forbidden in academy spars. Naruto, on the other hand, was just scrappy.

Naruto had no response to that and waited until the two of them were paired up against Kiba and Shino, a match that they both anticipated. Naruto wanted to pound some sense into Kiba's skull, though years of experience taught him that that wouldn't work, nor would it be easy. Kiba fought like an animal: wildly and without restraint. It was somewhat impressive actually. Sasuke on the other hand looked forward to a match with Shino. Taijutsu wasn't the boy's specialty, but he was no slouch either. The real reason, though, was that Shino had recently surpassed Sasuke once more in their neck and neck race to be the quietest student in the class.

A glance between Naruto and Sasuke confirmed that they had each chosen their respective opponent, and when Iruka began the match, they were off. Naruto bolted towards Kiba, launching himself into the air several meters from the boy, getting more height than should have been possible from his young legs. Kiba was so surprised by this unorthodox action that he barely managed to bring his arms up to block the boy crashing into him. Naruto proceeded to drive the two of them into a tumble. The instant that he felt his feet grip the ground properly once more, Naruto surged forward with his legs and used every bit of power he could muster from his arms to launch Kiba to the edge of the area where they were sparring. Had they not been in an open field, Kiba may have been victim to slamming into a tree or other protrusion. Chances were that he'd be feeling that tumble later regardless.

Taking advantage of his pause, he looked over to where Sasuke seemed to be dominating Shino. Naruto felt for the boy. He'd been in that situation more than a few times, especially before he picked up his training with the help of his winged friend. Sasuke caught his eye and launched Shino towards him with a solid kick to the chest before moving towards Kiba. "Huh," Naruto thought, "teamwork?"

Maybe it was or maybe Sasuke just wanted a chance to beat on Kiba as well. Naruto knew the feeling and wasn't about to look a gift flying Shino in the mouth. He _was,_ however, about to kick a gift flying Shino in the mouth. Sliding beneath the boy, who was entirely horizontal in the air, he planted his hands on the ground and sprung up with a devastating mule kick to the boy's face that landed with a harsh thud. Naruto felt bad about that. The boy probably had a concussion. This was soon corroborated by the boy not getting back up after landing. As with all spars in the academy, he made some distance and watched while Iruka darted in to check, soon after declaring the boy unconscious and getting the boy to the nurse's office with a near instant body flicker before appearing back just in time to watch as Sasuke stopped his fist just short of a downed Kiba's throat.

Turning to his clipboard, Iruka took down a quick note. _Regardless of social compatibility or lack thereof, Uzumaki and Uchiha seem capable of basic teamwork_. The Hokage would like to hear that. He was always worried about those two boys, forced to grow up on their own.

***Hokage's Office***

_"Man, those two kids just got _whooped" Sarutobi thought after watching the match between the four boys. A shadow clone sat off to the side working its way through the day's paperwork. The council of elders could never know, or they'd expect him to actually do things.

Naruto seemed to be a bit too fond of fighting in the air, but he supposed that was bound to happen when you could summon a Pegasus. The boy would keep it secret for now, but sooner or later his secret would come out and everyone would think he was a fruit, not that there was anything wrong with that.

He might not live to see that day, though, if that old gypsy woman was to be believed. According to her, he was going to die when Orochimaru invaded Konoha after killing the Kazekage.

Haha, even in his own old Gypsy woman death predictions he outlived that asshat Kazekage. Claiming his name to be "-of the desert". Sheesh, kid had preteen delusions, hard.

***Later in the classroom***

The sparring session had gone fairly well, aside from an episode regarding Ino and Sakura, who had, mid-spar, decided that they'd rather fight each other than be stuck on a team together. It wasn't so much that they actively decided it that it was that they had started trying to show off to Sasuke. As with most instances of that, things went… poorly. Meanwhile, Sasuke had devised a plan.

He waited until later that day when they were released from class before he set his plan in motion. Quickly ducking the hordes of rabid fangirls that had become the bane of his existence, Sasuke made his way to the one person he knew he could trust to help him. The one person who had exactly what it was he wanted. The one person who always had Sasuke's best interests at heart.

***Danzo's Office***

"Shimura-sama, there's a boy here to see you, but he doesn't have an appointment," his secretary said, poking her head into the door.

"Well who is it?" Danzo asked the girl, doing his best to remain civil. His last three secretaries had quit when he'd been short with them. He'd hear who it was and then tell her to send whatever child it was off. It was just thirty seconds of his time that he'd never get back. And he'd been so busy plotting ways to take retirement funds from veterans and euthanize helpless retirees.

"Uchiha-san, Shimura-sama," well that was a surprise. Perhaps he had jumped to conclusions about being mad at his secretary. She was just doing her job, after all. Danzo had approached young Sasuke following the death of his family, hoping to bring the boy into his circle quietly. As long as he wasn't too overt and didn't bring Sasuke into ROOT, Itachi would have no reason to come back and gut him. Finally, the boy had approached Danzo on his own. If Danzo played his cards right, he would have Uchiha Sasuke's trust by the time he was an active genin.

Seeing the boy enter his office, he put on his best Sarutobi impression and addressed the boy.

"Well, Sasuke, I'm glad to see you," he said, "What is it that I can help you with?"

"I need you to get me involved with fox-hunting."

Ah, the noble sport of killing helpless things with decadent resources. Danzo liked.

***Rainbow Dash's house***

"So then I let her in and she starts teaching me and she's a _total_ egghead," Dash said, describing the pony who had taught her the summoning technique, "But I guess I should be thankful, seeing as she taught me the technique."

Let it not be questioned how any economy could function in which Rainbow Dash could afford a house on what basically amounted to thirty seconds of work a day. Naruto wasn't bright enough to pick up on that anyway. Instead, he focused on how nice the house was, glad that it wasn't in the clouds. He had taken a few laps around the house and couldn't help but wonder why Rainbow Dash thought her home décor had to be as colorful as she was. It was seriously blinding. Much worse than the orange décor that Naruto had been saving up for for his own home.

Naruto was startled from him thoughts when Rainbow Dash swooped in underneath him and flew out of the door. Naruto held on for dear life as he tried to figure out what had just happened.

"What was that for?!" he yelled over the rush of the wind.

"Now that you're here, we're going flying!"

"Goddamnit! I'm gonna die! This is how I'm going to die! Falling off of a Pegasus in flight! Oh my god, just like that old gypsy woman saaaaaaaaiiiiiid!"

***Next day in class***

"Hey, Naruto," Kiba said, approaching the blond. Naruto, rather than reacting in a sensible fashion, jumped nearly a foot into the air.

"I'm not afraid of heights! What are you talking about?" Naruto said, seeming to jump over his own words. Kiba was somewhat confused by the response but composed himself and kept speaking.

"I'm hurt, dude," He said, "I've been asking you for years and you keep shutting me down, but Sasuke gets to go fox hunting? Is this about the spar yesterday? That's messed up man. Well you know what? I'm going to train and train and train and when I'm done I'll beat the two of you down by myself!" Kiba's statement had been loud enough, and once the class had a chance to get over their initial shock, the whispering started.

"Sasuke-kun goes fox hunting?"

"Wasn't that always Naruto's thing?"

"Oi…" Naruto grumbled, tired of being associated with something he'd never done.

"Sasuke-kun hangs out with Naruto?"

Sasuke smirked. His plan was coming together perfectly. To be perfectly honest, he'd found the sport fairly boring when he'd tried it yesterday. There just wasn't much excitement to it. But it was unlikely that he'd need to do it more than once, so at least there was that. Perhaps Danzo could arrange for some ponies for him to take care of so that he could maintain the horse smell to trick Kiba. And just as he almost smiled, truly smiled, for the first time in years, that was when the entire plan started to fall apart.

"So wait, Naruto is cool?"

No. No. That wasn't how this was supposed to go.

"He _was_ pretty awesome when he teamed up with Sasuke-kun yesterday…"

Fuck.

"Well I've known that Naruto-kun was cool this whole time. I've just been pretending so you all didn't catch on."

In her seat, Hyuuga Hinata seethed after hearing a girl say that, but she remained silent and twiddled her fingers. Like always. Poor girl.

Naruto, on the other hand didn't know how to feel. He had gone from being hated for something he didn't do or necessarily approve of, to quite possibly the exact opposite. As he considered that and Sasuke considered his options, Iruka walked into the room, surveyed the room, and began the class.

"Alright, kids. Today we're going to be reviewing jutsu. By the way, have any of you seen Haruno-san? She doesn't seem to be here. Is she sick?" And so life went on in the academy.

***Elsewhere in the Multiverse***

"… And so Haruno-sama, that is why we believe that you are the most suited individual in existence for this task," a shadowy voice said to a young, pink haired girl. The surroundings were shrouded in shadow as the girl sat in an antiquated looking leather recliner, a shaker glass of amber liquid in one hand and a set of documents that she was reviewing in the other.

"You make a captivating argument, shinigami-san," she said, taking a sip of her apple juice and addressing her companion who remained shrouded in darkness. She could see one of the legs of the chair opposite her, but that was it. "But how can I be sure that this is a fair trade? By becoming your 'Harbinger of Death' what do I gain? You've mentioned immortality, but if that's the case, then what has happened to your harbinger that you need my assistance?"

"We're actually a franchising business, Haruno-sama. Recent expansion has generated a need for a new Harbinger of Death in your sector. Please also keep in mind that it isn't quite 'immortality' so much as you becoming 'unkillable'. You would still age through life normally and eventually pass on. In exchange for assisting those souls you come across in passing to the other side, we guarantee a comfortable afterlife and pay on commission."

Sakura spent a moment considering this before responding, "and what will I be paid in if I do choose to accept?" It wouldn't do to be paid in ghost money after all. Not very useful in the realm of the living, after all.

"Why, gold of course. Did you expect to be cheated by death? We've found over the years that being as up-front as possible with our harbingers is mutually beneficial."

"Well, I'd like to read over the fine print, but if everything is as you say, I think we'll have a deal shinigami-san," Sakura said, setting down her papers.

"Oh please, Haruno-sama, you can call me Jashin."

***Hyuuga Household***

Hinata seethed as she worked. How dare those girls get on _her_ bandwagon? She'd show those bitches what's for. She continued her work, chalking the remainder of the pentagram on the floor, with this joyous thought in mind. As soon as the pentagram was finished, she began setting up the candles around the room and at the points of the pentagram.

"Oh, bringer of chaos," she began chanting, "heed the call of your humble servant and lend her your aide!" It was good that she was the only one around or she'd never be able to muster the vocal volume necessary for her ritual. If this didn't work, she would be very put-out. She had had to steal every candle in the main branch's manor and some of the branch house's as well. She didn't even know where she had gotten the idea to do this. It had kind of just come to her in her rage.

Slowly, the smoke from the candles began to swirl, forming the ghostly image of some kind of deformed animal head with an antler and a goat horn. Soon after, the head began to speak with the deceptively playful and calm voice of American actor John de Lancie.

"Hooo, little Hinata-chan," well, it knew her name. That was sort of creepy, but she hadn't ever summoned an otherworldly spirit before, so maybe that was normal. It continued, in its Star Trek anti-hero-esque voice, "So sad that those other girls want what's yours, isn't it?"

He could feel that he had the girl in his grasp. It wouldn't be as easy without his powers, sealed as he was as a garden ornament for dear Celestia, but kids were ever so impressionable. This was essentially a freebie for Discord. He watched as her eyes lost a modicum of consciousness and smiled.

"Why, Hinata-chan," he said, "of _course_ I'll help you. Just trust your old friend Discord." He watched as her eyes drained of the remainder of their consciousness. Well, she was his now, so that was good. God he loved his voice.

***Canterlot***

"_Hmmm,"_ Celestia thought, "_in retrospect, it seems a bit disproportionate that I sealed Discord in my garden and my sister in the moon. Maybe I should move my garden to the moon… I could open a whole dining court where my garden is now… Well, no, I don't think I'll do that. I'll keep the garden where it is, but I will add a ramen stand to the garden. It _is_ my favorite food that Twilight Sparkle hates." _

She did so enjoy irritating her students, and Twilight was her favorite. Come to think of it, it was almost time to let Luna out of time-out. Couldn't be more than a year or so now. It was easy to lose track of time for her, being a seemingly ageless god-pony and all. Perhaps she'd let Twilight deal with that. It would be a good learning experience, after all.

***Academy, Next Day***

"Hey Shikamaru, do you ever feel like your life is just a series of confined episodes with just a kind of dull empty feeling in between?"

"Too troublesome," Shikamaru responded to Naruto's question, "And what's with you talking like that? That didn't sound like you at all, man."

"Huh," Naruto said, seeming to snap to attention, "What are you talking about? What was I talking about? How did I get here?" He said looking around wildly.

"That's more like it."

"No, I'm serious, I'm having a breakdown here. You need to help me! What's going on?!" Naruto said, starting to hyperventilate and bumping into someone as he moved to go and start pacing worriedly. As he moved he bumped into someone who was walking by.

"Oh, hello there Naruto-kun," the girl said, "Did you need something? A pencil? A kunai?" she leaned in real close until her lips brushed his ear and he could feel her breath, "Me?"

He drew back, blushing deeply from the close contact. He took a look at who he'd bumped into and couldn't place a name to her. He was also fairly certain that he had never seen her. He would've remembered meeting someone who dressed like she did. It was downright scandalous what she was wearing. He knew from his time around the training grounds that there were plenty of kunoichi that performed their duties in athletic bras, enjoying the support and comfort during training. He was fairly sure that the lingerie bra that he was seeing performed none of that and was entirely unsuited for combat. Or public. Or a ten to eleven year old. Seriously, what was wrong with people? Denim hot pants and a bra was not suitable attire for a child, regardless of how prematurely developed they were. Now he just felt dirty.

Very, very dirty. Filthy, even.

The girl had dark hair and white eyes. He was sure he'd seen eyes like that somewhere. Who had eyes like that…

"Hinata!?" He exclaimed, pointing at her. She smiled and sauntered over to him only for her approach to be interrupted by the appearance of Iruka, who told them all to take their seats. The beginning of the lecture was interrupted by his noticing of Hinata, followed by his grabbing of a small trash can and vomiting. Who knew that giving up hope in humanity would result in expulsion of stomach content?

"You know, Shikamaru," Naruto whispered to the boy next to him, "I think a bunch of really weird stuff has been happening recently. I'm not sure, but I think this stuff is gonna come back around sooner or later."

"Hmm," Shikamaru hmm'd, ignoring the blond.

"Also, how would I even borrow _her_? How would that work? Can you borrow people? What does that even mean?"

"Hmm."

In the back of the room, Sasuke sat there in shock. Just two days ago, he had felt nothing but detest for Haruno Sakura. Now, when he looked at her, he felt only one thing: fear. He was afraid of that girl in a way that he had only felt once in his life. The feeling he got when he looked at her was the same feeling that he had felt when he'd walked in on the scene of his parents dying.

He snuck a look at her once more. There she was, sitting there, playing with a finger fortune teller. He calmed himself. She couldn't have known. There was no way she could have known that he was utterly terrified of finger foldout fortune tellers. Ino said something to her, probably a number, and Sakura unfolded it after moving her hands several times. His breath hitched again and he averted his eyes. He just wasn't ready to deal with fold out fortune tellers. Maybe someday, after he had killed his older brother, had a family, and owned a stable full of ponies for his children to ride without shame, but not today.

***Far, Far Away***

"Happy birthday Koneko-chan!" Mikoto said to her young daughter, "Blow out your candles and make a wish!"

"Yay," Koneko said flatly in a monotone voice devoid of emotion before blowing out her candles.

"What did you wish for, Koneko-chan?" Fugaku asked his daughter who seemed to be entirely incapable of emoting.

"That someday I could be pretty just like mommy," Koneko said, still without any emotion.

"Oh," Mikoto said, hugging her daughter, "I love you so much more than I loved Sasuke!"

"Who's Sasuke?" the young girl asked.

"Who cares?" Fugaku said, patting his daughter on the head with one hand and cutting the cake with the other.

***In Konoha***

Inexplicably, Sasuke felt his hatred for Itachi diminish somewhat. He'd have to get that looked into. The therapist Danzo had arranged for him had told him that it was important for him to always hold on to his anger and never stop hating the people that he didn't like.

***End Chapter 2***

So this was really just a transition chapter and an opportunity to set up a few more running gags. As of writing this, the chapter hasn't been beta'd, and I think I'll take a quick look through it before posting it since I've wanted to for so long anyway.

Let me be incredibly clear on the Hinata thing: I don't think it's okay. I think that often enough authors forget the age of the kids and overtly sexualize a bunch of children or have them try and be badasses. How many times have we seen an eleven year old Naruto given a leather trench coat or ANBU armor and a sword as long as he is tall?

Next chapter will be a lead up to graduation. I think it'll be fun, to say the least, especially now that the groundwork has been laid with several more side characters. Now that the sideplots have been set we can focus more on Naruto and his little pony.

Review it and tell me what you liked. Review it and tell me what you didn't like. Review it and inform me what Panini you think would be the best lunch and what flavor of pudding you'd couple it with.


End file.
